When Squirrels Attack…

The single best invention by human beings is the internet. Not because of the handy information about diseases, endless educational resources, up-to-the-second weather and breaking news. I prefer libraries, actual people and the nightly news for all my info. What I am most grateful for when it comes to the internet is all the other stuff –procrastination-enhancing blogs, reality television reviews and, my personal favorite, youtube.

What, exactly, does this have to do with pests? Well, I found some really great video of squirrels searching for and eating food. It was not the actual act of chewing that got to me, it was their sheer will and fearlessness. One squirrel got onto a person’s lap to eat an almond M&M. Then there’s that awesome Bud Light commercial. You know – the one where drinking Bud Light gives you the power to talk to animals. And the dog says ‘sausages’ repeatedly and the squirrel tells the guy to mind his own business. Classic.

I never really paid much attention to squirrels until I moved to downstate Illinois to go to school. This is when my true memory of squirrels and their valiance began. They were everywhere and completely ruthless. Ask anyone who went to school in a college town with a green campus and a huge quad – squirrels are fearless. Maybe they’re just used to the idea of college kids rushing to class and get a kick out of making their commute that much harder.

Hearing stories about squirrels from friends became a daily occurrence. I never had any problems with them and actually came to admire the little critters for their bravery. I mean, they would literally walk right up to me, as if to have some sort of conversation. I thought it was cute until, that is, I started to hear true horror stories.

In August 2006, people lounging in an Orlando-area park complained of squirrels getting violent. One woman said her three-year-old son was bitten by a squirrel several times, resulting in a two-inch gash. Another young child, also three, was bitten on the calf while a man endured scratches and bites on his arm while sitting on a bench. Apparently, just one squirrel caused all of this damage.

In October of that same year, a squirrel attacked a four-year-old California boy in a Bay area park as his mother unwrapped a muffin. Officials said that attack like this had been occurring since May 2006. Officials also said that the “brazen behavior stems from years of being fed by park visitors.” People expressed outrage when authorities decided to kill the squirrels – which we should all know by know does not work.

People could go a long way in helping themselves when it comes to this seemingly harmless furries of mass destruction. I sometimes think squirrels have gotten a bad rap with sites like All Squirrels Must Die! devoted to getting rid of the creatures. Posted on the site is a pretty entertaining video showing what happens when a group of squirrels and a female M&M – this of the animated persuasion – cross paths (what is it with squirrels and candy-coated chocolate candies?).

Bird-X has sme great devices that can solve your squirrel problem. One such gadget is a Quad Blaster QB-4. This device is ultrasonic which means it is above the human hearing threshold (we can’t hear it).  Basically, it emits a sound that birds, squirrels and most other pests and critters cannot stand, and they will flee the coverage area immediately. You can use it almost anywhere and the 360-degree coverage is up to 6500 square feet. It is programmable, so you can change the frequency, warble rate and speaker sequencing so the animals will not become accustomed to the noise.

Another top option is the YardGuard.  This sonic repeller has a built-in infrared motion detector; activation occurs when animals wander into the coverage area (up to 4000 square feet). Since this is a motion detector, it is actually lower maintenance than many of our other products including the Quad Blaster QB-4. It is also effective in getting rid of raccoons, deer, skunks, as well as dogs and cats, and other garden pests.

And this was their genius plan?

They’ve used it in San Diego, St. Paul, Minn., and had heated discussions about it in Staten Island, NY. All of these came and went without much notice. Then, Ovocontrol-P, a now-popular form a birdie birth control, went Hollywood on us. Literally. The Argyle Civic Association (ACA) – a neighborhood association in Hollywood – decided to give the pill a try. The pigeon population had soared in recent years to the apparent evil doings of someone referred to as the “Bird Lady”; she recently dumped a 25-pound bag of bird feed in 29 Hollywood places.

  
Hollywood’s response? OMG!

  
Residents were less than pleased when more pigeons, and more pigeon droppings, got in the way of their high-stress life of beaches, Beamers and Botox. Panic ensued. The ACA then went the way of twenty-something women everywhere in an effort to fix the problem. During the summer of 2007, they implemented the first dose and expected to see some kind of results in a year. My incessant Googling produced no updates on their current plight, but by 2012, the pigeon population is expected to shrink by half.

  
After Hollywood, the domino effect was instant. Almost immediately, the Linda Vista neighborhood in San Diego tried Ovocontrol-P for the pigeons roosting on the roof of a popular skate park. Then, a councilman representing Staten Island, NY suggested that birth control could slow the pigeon population at the ferry terminals. Recently, St. Paul, Minnesota employed the tactic just in time for the Republican National Convention.

  
Why is ‘pilling’ the pigeons becoming so popular? It is a non-lethal and completely humane way to get rid of them. Basically, the pill interferes with the egg development; pigeons will still lay the eggs, they will just never hatch. And since People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) gave Ovocontrol-P the thumbs up, it is all systems go. Even our British frenemies are considering borrowing (aka stealing) our brilliance to handle their pigeon problem.

  
I’m not sure how I feel about this. Sure, it will (eventually) rid my life of pesky pigeon poop on my freshly washed and waxed automobile. And I will (eventually) not have to deal with their low-flying, loud and disease-infested presence ruining my ambiance. No more feathers clogging my drains. No more threat of bird mites attacking my bloodstream, making my life miserable. No more lice (courtesy of nests) lurking a few feet above my head.

  
But…

  
This seems a bit extreme – even for someone who doesn’t care too much for the little critters. Pigeons, with all their pervasiveness, should be given a shot to procreate as well. No, we don’t want them roosting on our roofs or defecating on our property. But do we really want to stop another living species from, well, living? What happens when we get tired of squirrels; put them on the pill too? How about stray cats? Animals in shelters? One (extremist?) poster on sciforums.com suggested that this is the beginning of the end for humans as well. Overpopulation? No worries! The good ol’ government will just design a gene that makes people infertile. Problem solved.

  
Though I feel this is somewhat radically overstated, maybe they’ve got a point. The fact remains that these people are treating the symptom and not the problem. There are too many proven effective ways to controlling birds to resort to encouraging their extinction. And besides, putting the current crop on the pill will not stop future fliers from resting where the old ones perished. The roof, ledge, tree, or wherever is still appealing to birds; that won’t change. And the people over at Tree Hugger made an excellent point about human birth control and its dire effect of fish. What, then, will the effect be on Raptors that pray on pigeons?

  
Hmmm…check out this site to see some of the humane ways (and by humane, I mean will not render barren) to control pigeons and other birds. Pigeons on the pill? What is the world coming to…